I have been married for 6 years, the last 4 have been rocky, I fell pregnant a year after we got married, my husband was not enthuisiastic at first because he wanted to study and wondered how we would afford a baby, but we managed and our son was born. Almost immediately my husbands attitude towards me changed, I was dealing with being a new mother and at first my husband was an attentive father to our son but the novelty soon wore off and he began to spend less timeat home and more time with his friends, we argued a lot and I suspected that he might be having an affair, my suspicions were confirmed when I borrowed his phone and found a text message on it from someone calling him "sweetheart" I called the number and the women said it was a mistake she had meant to send it to her husband, I confronted my husband and he said the same thing. I pushed this incident to the back of my mind, things got better between us communication was good, and I felt that we were getting back to how things used to be before the baby came along, I? recovered from the pregnancy and because I had enjoyed the experience so much I was eager to have another one I noticed that my husband was no longer intimate or affectionate towards me, but I put this down to the fact that I had been recovering from the pregnancy. We started fighting again, it seemed to be over silly things.
I felt like my husband was actually picking fight and he started spending more time with his friends and less time with me and our son.
My husband had been staying up late at night using the? internet, I suspected he was going on to online dating sites, I was right, I was using the computer one day, and my husband had left himself logged into his IM and a? message popped up from a women in Jamaica, who thought I was him from what she wrote it was clear that there were in a relationship I told the woman I was his wife she told me that she had been on the phone and on instant message with my husband for at least 6 months and he planned to visit her in Jamaica later in the year, I immediately sent a? text to my husband, who was at work? and told him I knew he called me and? was verbally abusive he? aid? he didn't love me and wanted a divorce.
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My husband came home the next day? and we sat and talked, or rather I listened while he listed all my shortcomings how he no longer loved me or wanted to make love to me, he didn't feel that I deserved him, he said he was going to get some money together and leave he talked at length about how difficult it would be for him to walk away, but he was determined to do it, he didn't leave things got slightly better.? He went on holiday without me to West Africa where his parents lived whilst he was away he contacted me almost every day so I felt that he actually did love me but he came back and the same things happened again, he posted profiles online to numerous online dating agencies, in one of his profiles he said he was not married and didn't have kids, it wasn't difficult to find out what he was doing behind my back sometimes I felt like he wanted me to find out aAND? every time I found things out and? I confronted him?? I got verbal abuse and he said he was leaving there has never been any? remorse from him,? So once again he said he would leave but he didn't and things between us were a lot better however we had not addressed the root of the problem so once again the issues resurfaced, this time I found an email from his lover in West Africa, he had insulted her because he suspected she was seeing someone or recieving money from someone, he told her that he loved her (in capital letters) and then said that he loves her so much he is not even sleeping with me. I felt like someone had plunged a knife to my heart I confronted him again and yet again he refused to discuss what he had done threatened to leave and didn't. I begged him to consider us both getting counselling I spoke to his best friend who had a little more success getting through to him and he told his friend that he and I had reconciled, which basically meant we were talking and that was all. So this year things were ok between us still no intimacy, and he is still in the relationship with his lover, who he visits once a year he is aware that I know, but still acts as if he is innocent we began arguing? again about a month ago over stupid things,? I tried not to rise to the bait by defending myself but that got harder to do. We had one row over something really stupid and he said he was leaving, I'd heard that before so didn't pay too much attention, untill I arrived home one day to find him packing, he encouraged me to come and visit him whenever I wanted I asked him how long this was going to last and he said he didn't know. He's been gone a month and in that time I have been through so many different emotions the first two weeks were hard we had another argument over the phone he accused me of trying to control him because I felt he should try to spend more time with our son, I also found he had set up yet another profile on an online dating site, I felt like he was not really committed to us getting back together. He visited recently but mainly to spend time with our son he said nothing to me and all I feel from him is anger and I don't know if he will come back, I don't want to bring it up, I am focusing on raising our son and getting on with my life. Finding this site has really helped me deal with what's happening and I have been praying daily about the situation focusing on God and not worshipping the relationship which is what I believe I have been doing in the past but it is so hard every day I face a different emotion it's only constant prayer that is enabling me to get through the day I don't know what the future holds for us, I have had to lay it down at Jesus' feet and stand back.
Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/25644
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